i am so antsy...had a day off today, still have it, and have been unable to bring myself to do anything, to leave the house. should write, want to do something, accomplish something, why do i work so hard to prevent myself from doing those things?
i am not putting up those two texts as meant to be what i like best of what i've written, not at all, but just the first two things that came to hand. i pulled about 30 pages of stuff out of my notebooks that i could post here now...though i won't.
i frustrate myself with my pathological avoidance of work.
i am not putting up those two texts as meant to be what i like best of what i've written, not at all, but just the first two things that came to hand. i pulled about 30 pages of stuff out of my notebooks that i could post here now...though i won't.
i frustrate myself with my pathological avoidance of work.
posted by bl at 5:30 PM
1 Comments:
I'm frustrating myself for not being able to create. Ever since the beginning of my teaching, I keep spending weekends doing things for other people or spending time in a collective setting: having Olga as a guest one week, having Naoki (a new student at Yale) for the 2nd week, watching soccer in the 3rd week, preparing for my talk at Yale on week 4, giving the actual talk and spending time with Olga in week 5. This is finally a weekend in which I can scrub all the dirt in my apartment, buy myself a giant vase and put two dozens of roses in it, candle stands and give myself a nice aroma therapy and to read your work, gardening my fish tank, etc. I'm finally close to superficial happiness.
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